Pursuing our process from the last few weeks, I want to give you one more thought on communications, and how it can help you grow, both personally and professionally.
A major source, of problems in communication, is defensiveness. Effective communicators are aware that defensiveness is a typical response in a work situation especially when negative information or criticism is involved.
Be aware that defensiveness is common, particularly with subordinates when you are dealing with a problem. Try to make adjustments to compensate for this likely defensiveness. Realize that when people feel threatened they will try to protect themselves; this is natural. This defensiveness can take the form of aggression, anger, competitiveness, avoidance among other responses.
A skillful listener is aware of the potential for defensiveness and makes needed adjustment. He or she is aware that self-protection is necessary, and avoids making the other person spend energy defending his or her self.
In addition, a supportive and effective listener does the following:
- Stops Talking: Asks the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; asks for other’s views and suggestions
- Looks at the person, listens openly and with empathy to the employee; is clear about his position; be patient
- Listen and Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the other’s concern
- Is validating, not invalidating (“You wouldn’t understand”); acknowledges other’s uniqueness, importance
- Checks for understanding; paraphrases; asks questions for clarification
- Doesn’t control conversation; acknowledges what was said; let’s the other finish before responding
- Focuses on the problem, not the person; is descriptive and specific, not evaluative; focuses on content, not delivery or emotion
- Attends to emotional as well as cognitive messages (e.g., anger); aware of non-verbal cues, body language, etc.; listens between the lines
- Reacts to the message, not the person, delivery or emotion
- Makes sure you comprehend before you judge; asks questions
- Uses many techniques to fully comprehend
- Stays in an active body state to aid listening
- Fights distractions
- (if in a work situation) Takes Notes; Decides on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates
The best communicators are good listeners. Listening and questioning skills are probably the most important communication skills you can get. So, stop talking, ask questions and really listen to what the other person has to say.
As you can see, there is a lot of work involved in communicating well, and especially listening the right way.
If you want more intensive help, please contact me through any of the listings below.
Also, please put your comments below, and any situations where listening skills have helped or hindered your communications with others.
Kind regards,
Ian
A. Ian Dainty
416.623.9588
www.b2bbusinesscoach.com
ian@b2bbusinesscoach.com
