Following on from the past three blogs, I want to give you some concrete ideas about how to improve your communications skills. This skill is probably the most important life skill you can learn. I like to use the term “life skill” versus “soft skill”, because these are skills you can use in most life areas. Whereas, “hard skills” are usually only used in specific circumstances.
Probably the most important life skill, you need to have, is the skill of listening. There are many aspects to listening, and we will look at this very important skill, over the next two sessions, and how you can improve your listening ability.
There are a number of situations when you need to solicit good information from others; these situations include interviewing candidates, solving work problems, seeking to help an employee on work performance, and finding out reasons for performance discrepancies.
This skill becomes even more important in today’s Internet age, where you have to learn to communicate without actually seeing the other person. So, you need to be able to interpret words, and listen intently for nuances in the other person’s voice, to ensure you understand what the other person is conveying in their communications with you.
Skill in communication involves a number of specific strengths. The following lists some suggests for effective listening when confronted with a problem at work:
- Listen openly and with empathy to the other person
- Judge the content, not the messenger or delivery; comprehend before you judge
- Use multiple techniques to fully comprehend (ask, repeat, rephrase, etc.)
- Active body state; fight distractions
- Ask the other person for as much detail as he/she can provide; paraphrase what the other is saying to make sure you understand it and check for understanding
- Respond in an interested way that shows you understand the problem and the other person’s concern
- Attend to non-verbal cues, body language, not just words; listen between the lines
- Ask the other for his views or suggestions
- State your position openly; be specific, not global
- Communicate your feelings but don’t act them out (EG. tell a person that his behavior really upsets you; don’t get angry)
- Be descriptive, not evaluative-describe objectively, your reactions, consequences
- Be validating, not invalidating (“You wouldn’t understand”); acknowledge other’s uniqueness, importance
- Be conjunctive, not disjunctive (not “I want to discuss this regardless of what you want to discuss”);
- Don’t totally control conversation; acknowledge what was said
- Own up: use “I”, not “They”… not “I’ve heard you are non cooperative”
- Don’t react to emotional words, but interpret their purpose
- Practice supportive listening, not one way listening
- Decide on specific follow-up actions and specific follow up dates
As you can see, there is a lot of work involved in communicating well, and especially listening the right way. Stay tuned to your email and blog for the next edition of communication skills.
If you need help getting new business, or further revenue from your existing clients, first have a look at my eBook at http://www.b2bbusinesscoach.com/ebook.html
If you want more intensive help, please contact me through any of the listings below.
Also, please put your comments below, and any situations where listening skills have helped or hindered your communications with others.
Kind regards,
Ian
A. Ian Dainty
416.623.9588
www.b2bbusinesscoach.com
ian@b2bbusinesscoach.com
